Tomb Insanity
by HighPistol
Summary: Natla returns,the butler frezzes, and Lara goes insane!


Ello,This story is set right after Tomb Raider 1 (The Atlantian Scion).  
I do not own Tomb Raider, Eidos owns Lara Croft and all Tomb Raider things.Don,t sue me!   
  
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In Tomb Raider 1, Lara went into a tomb in Peru in search of an artifact for Natla. While searching in the tomb she noticed some writing on the walls of the tomb telling of a blade with the power of a Incan God, Puma. Lara wanted to search for this Artifact but at the time she was working for Natla and already had a job to do; to fine the Atlantian Scion...  
  
After Lara found all three pieces of the Scion, and destroyed Atlantis and the Goddess of Atlantis, she planed out a trip to go back to the tomb where the Blade of Puma lay...  
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Winston walked slowly down the long hall, heading towards Lara's room. It had been a very long night. Lara was out looking for some rare artifact again, killed about 1000 people and did it with a tiger again. Lets just say she didn't get much sleep. Winston always hated having to wake Lara up, she wasn't much of a morning person...  
  
  
"Miss Croft?" Winston said, carefully walking into Lara's room. "Croft,Its time for your tea." Winston said, walking to her bed.  
  
Lara mumbled something about to many tigers in Asia and turned in her bed.  
  
"Miss Croft,you have to get up." Winston said, now nudging Lara on her side.  
  
"Damn tiger...that's the fourth time..." Lara mumbled then pulled the covers over her head.  
  
"Lara get up, you have to go to Peru today." Winston said pushing Lara harder.  
  
Lara felt Winston pushing her, and she was now getting just a lil tinny bit slightly mad.  
  
"Die!" Lara scramed while back fliping out of her bed.  
  
"Oh dear God...not again..." Winston was now running out of Lara's room, using the tea tray as a shield.  
  
"You can,t hide!" Lara yelled, as she picked up her shot gun.  
  
Winston screamed and started to run downstairs for his life. Lara laughed and started shooting him. Winston rolled out of the way, and blocked the bullets with his tea tray. Lara jumped down the stairs and ran towards him, aiming her gun right at his head.  
  
"Don't kill me, Miss Croft! Please!" Winston begged while running to hide in the kitchen.  
  
"I won, t even lay a finger on you, silly." Lara said while grinning evilly.  
  
"Oh no! You only smile that that before you kill someone! I'm gona die! " Winston screamed then hopped into the huge freezer that Lara had in the kitchen"  
  
"Well...I may not be able to get out..But at least Lara can,t hurt me in here..." Winston said while slowly gasping for air."Im to old for this..." Winston mumbled.  
  
Winston then heard breathing behind him. Winston's eyes grew wide and he slowly turned around.  
  
".....Boo!" Lara yelled.  
  
"AHHHH!" Winston screamed like a lil girl then wet his pant, and fell on the floor unmoving.  
  
Lara smirked, shot out the freezer door then steped out."I need to get ready for my trip...while I'm gone,i,ll buy another butler..."  
  
Lara ran up back to her room and stepped into the bathroom to 'ahem' do things...Then sat on her bed and fixed her braid. "What artifact am I looking for today?" Lara wondered and opened up her note book.  
  
"Ahh...The lost city of Machu Picchu, hidden in the Andes Mountains...This should be easy...I heard there was a lost artifact there...The Blade of Puma...I wana go!!!" Lara screamed then booked a flight to Cuzco, Peru, a city right by the Andes Mountains.  
  
Lara hoped out of bed and to pack her things, mostly guns, then got dressed, and went outside, hoped into her Land Rover, then drove to the air port.  
  
"This is gona be great." Lara thought to herself. " I have not raided a tomb since...yesterday!  
  
Lara parked her car, and stepped out and walked up to the air port, and looked for the plane she was flying in.  
  
"Ah ha...there it is..." Lara said then walked into the plane. She sat down in her seat and waited for the plane to start"  
  
"Lets see...where is that dawg gone seat of mine?" A young blond man said, with a heavy southern accent.  
  
Lara looked up "Larson?...Is that...you??? I thought I killed you!" She said in shock.  
  
"Well, ya did, but for some dang odd reason the author of this fic decided to keep me alive. "Larson said well getting into the seat next to her. "So um...wanna make out?"  
  
Lara groaned "This is going to be a long trip..."  
  
"Not long enough, I reckon." Larson said as he sat down next to Lara, placing his hand on her knee.  
  
Lara hoped out of her chair,then kicked Larson hard in the crotch. A loud crunching sound was heard and Larson's eyes crossed in pain, then slumped over in his chair, passed out from the pain.  
  
Lara smiled, sat back into her chair, and had a peaceful flight to Peru.  
  
  
When the plane landed Larson was still passed out, Lara felt a little sorry for him, so she picked him up and got out of the plane. " I can,t believe I'm helping this jerk..." Lara said as she dragged Larson around to a hotel. Lara ordered a room for Larson, then got one for herself. Lara took Larson to his room, then walked to her own and laid down on the bed.   
  
"Better get some sleep before I go to Machu Picchu" She said, closing her eyes and drifting of to sleep.  
  
As Lara woke up, she felt something next to her. At first she thought it was just a pillow, but the thing in her bed then grabbed her butt. Lara jumped out of bed and pulled out her pistols, keeping them locked on to the thing in her bed.  
  
A small groaning was heard, then a blood red wing poked out from under the covers. Lara's eyes grew wide. "It can,t be...can it?" Lara slowly pulled the covers off the thing in her bed.  
  
"Damn it its to early Lara..." Natla said while curling up to a pillow.  
  
"Natla?!?!?" Lara screamed out in shock. "How did you get here?!?! And what are you doing in my bed!?.  
  
Natla smiled, and brushed some blond hair away from her eyes. "Well, sweetie. I felt kinda lonely, locked in that tomb..." Natla began to play with with Lara's braid. "And I was thinking, if a nice young tomb raider would keep be company..."  
  
Lara was still in shock "Larson is in the next room to the right...He could keep you company!"  
  
"Naw...I checked....He has Pierre in there now...they are...kinda busy..." Natla said while still playfully tugging on Lara's braid.  
  
Giggling was heard in the next room.  
  
"Eww...." Both Lara and Natla said while shuddering.  
  
"You don, t think they are..."Lara started.  
  
"They couldn,t be...." Natla said.  
  
Both Natla and Lara to the side of the room and listened next to the wall trying to hear what was going on.  
  
They listened for a while but then lara snapped back to reality.  
  
"How are you guys all here?! I killed you all! I shot Pierre in Crette, Larson in Eygpt and you in the Lost City of Atlantis!" Lara said, now trying to pull her braid away from Natla who had began to play with it again.  
  
"Well...I can,t really die cus I'm a goddess, and I made Pierre and Larson gods when they worked for me." Natla tugged harder on Lara's braid.  
  
Lara's eyes were now watering from the pain of having her braid pulled. "Why didn't you make me a goddess when I was working for you?" She asked, now pulling on Natla's left wing, trying to get her to stop pulling her braid.  
  
"Well...you kinda tried to kill me, so I didn't feel like it" Natla said then tugged harder on Lara's braid. A very loud rip was heard...  
  
Both Lara and Natla said nothing for a few minutes, they just stared at the braid laying limp on the bed. Finely Lara just snaped.  
  
"AHHH Oh God you pulled my braid off!!!" Lara screamed and ran around the room holding her detached braid.  
  
Natla looked a lil scared "Oh gods,I'm soooo sorry Lara! I, ll get some ice!" Natla ran out of the room looking for ice.  
  
"Oh no you don, t!" Lara yelled and tackled Natla,now hitting her with her braid.  
  
"Oww my eye! How dare you do that to me?!" Natla screamed then pushed Lara off her.  
  
"Well you tore my braid off. Do you know how long it took to grow that thing?!" Lara yelled and ran after Natla.  
  
Natla jumped out of the window, and flew up to the roof. Lara jumped out as well, and starting to climb up to the roof, wanting to have revenge for what Natla did to her. Natla began to form fire balls in her hand and started shooting them down at Lara. Lara somehow dodged the fire balls, and hoped onto the roof, she pulled out her pistols and started shooting wildly at Natla. Natla screamed in pain as her wings were shot off, she growled and her eyes glowed red, then she ran at Lara. Lara moved out of the way and Natla fell off the hotel.   
  
"Oh crap..." Natla cursed as she fell down 30 stories and landed on the street.  
  
{{THUNK!}}  
  
"Owchies..." Natla moaned then tried to sit up. But a car then ran over her.  
  
{{SQUISH!}}  
  
Lara looked down at the lil puddle of Natla on the street and shut her eyes. "Ohhh...that's gona hurt in the morning..."  
  
Lara went back to her room and looked in her backpack for some glue and tape.  
  
"I got to get my darn braid back on....It will take forever if I just wait for it to grow..." She said while putting some glue on her hair. "I hope this dries fast, I can,t just stay her all day." She held the braid tightly to her hair then waited for a few minutes.  
  
After a while Lara found out that she had not only glued her braid back, but she had also glued her hand to her hair. "Oh dear..Maybe Pierre and Larson could help..." she said as she walked over to their room.  
  
Lara opened the door and peeked in. "Oh dear God...What are you two doing?!" She screamed looking at the unholy sight.  
  
Lara just stared at them, not sure if she should just leave and ask if they could help her.  
  
"Ummm....If you don, t mind..I have a slight problem...and I was wondering if you two could maybe..help me a little?" Lara asked trying not to watch them  
  
"If you do not mind, we are trying to have a little privacy!" Pierre yelled.  
  
"Ummm..... Never mind!" Lara said then ran out of the room, while ripping her hand free from her hair.  
  
Lara, while holding her bleeding hand remember that she had a job to do, and she needed a car to get to Machu Picchu.  
  
  
Lara went into a small town and rented a jeep, then drove off to the Andes Moutains, trying to hit all the animals she could.  
  
"Ah I love the feeling of small animal parts flying though the air in the morning" Lara said while running over a llama.  
  
As Lara parked her jeep up to the foot of the moutians, she loaded her pistols, and put her back pack on, then began climbing the tall, tall, very tall moutains.  
  
"Lovely mountains...Brings back such found childhood flashbacks of when I nearly died in the planecrash in mountains very similar to these..."  
  
Just then a small rock hit Lara on the head and made her have a flashback and lose some of her sanity.Lara looked around and noticed she was on a mountain.  
  
"I'm scared! Mommy!" Lara then curled into a ball and mumbled that she would be okay.  
  
Just then a young brunette man climbed up to where Lara was  
  
"Ahh..Lara...What are you doing up here? So high in the mountains all alone..I though Natla was with you..." Pierre said wondering if Lara was all right.  
  
"Gona be okay..I'm gona live..it's not cold...where are my guns?! "Lara hoped up and began to shoot madly in all directions.  
  
"Lara,calm down! Your not gona die! Ow! You shot my butt! Lara your going crazy!" Pierre said while ducking away from the rest of Lara shots.  
  
"Crazy?...Crazy!! Im not Crazy!!! Im Lara Croft!! No one can make me,Go CRAZY!!!!" Lara screamed madly then ran up to the top of the mountain.  
  
"Ohh...she has done it again...I should keep an eye on her..she might hurt another tomb.." Pierre said while climbing up after Lara as fast as he could.  
  
"A hunting I will go, a hunting I will go...You will never catch me!!! Hahahaha,kiss my British butt, Pierre!" Lara screamed, then hoped down, landing on Pierre.  
  
"Lara, what in God's name are you doing?!" Pierre mumbled from in-between Lara legs.  
  
"No time to lose! Take me to Machu Picchu, my lil pony! Ride like the wind!" Lara yelled, while tugging on Pierre's hair.  
  
Pierre sighed and began to walk up the mountain with Lara on his head.  
  
After about three long hours of Lara ranting on about nothing, she had finely gotten tired and fell to sleep. To bad for Pierre, Lara still had her legs clamped a Pierre's head, yet somehow he had been able to climb up the mountain blindly.  
  
Lara was now waking up and had regain her sanity, but was wondering why Pierre had her on his head.  
  
"You sick pervert..." Lara whispered to herself. "Die!!!!!" She screamed while jumping of Pierre's head and kicking him off the mountain.  
  
Pierre screamed as he landed on some sharp rocks. "Ohhh...I think I have ripped of my little friend...." He whimpered in a small high voice.  
  
Lara laughed madly and watched the site a little longer, then headed towards the valley on top of the mountain.  
  
After walking for a little bit,she found a huge stone door right on the side of a hill. Lara pushed a small button by the side of door and waiting for the door to open. Much to Lara's suprise, the door didn't open but she fall down through a trap door.  
  
Lara screamed as she fell down the long tunnel then landed hard on a stone table.  
  
"Owww! uhhh.....where am I?..." Lara said as she sat up and looked around.  
  
"I'm in an underground level of Machu Picchu...I made it! I'm here, that means the Blade of Puma is near by!" She said happily.  
  
"Well, not just a lil ol' blade..." Larson said as he stepped out of the shadows. "Howdy there,sugar...Hope that table I left there didn't hurt ya too much." Larson said grinning as he walk up to Lara.  
  
"Ohh..Its just you..I haven't found any strange monsters yet..but you will have to do..." Lara said boredly then jumped off the table and getting into a fighting position.  
  
Larson laughed and took out his revolver and cocked it. "Ya know I just don, t think I could hurt a lil belle like you..better shoot ya in the head and let ya die peacefully."  
  
Lara just smirked and ran towards him. Larson began to fire but missed everytime,Lara was just to fast.  
  
"Gawd dog it..Hold still Lara!" Larson yelled. He ran out of ammo so he dropped his gun and jumped at Lara.  
  
Lara flipped over him then kicked him hard in the side. Larson cursed then punched Lara in the stomach. Lara cried out and tackled Larson.  
  
"Ummm...Lara?...Not that im complaining or anything but...You got my head between your boobs..." Larson said trying to remove his head from her breast.  
  
"Oh..sorry.." Lara said sheepishly. She then smiled and started to kick him repeatedly in his balls.  
  
Larson screamed in such a high voice the tomb began to shake, and then a hidden door opened up.  
  
Lara look at the new doorway, then pulled Larson out of her chest. She walked up to the new door and steped in slowly.  
  
As Lara walked into the new room, she had set off many traps bet luckily had not gotten trapped yet.Lara turned to the left and looked up and saw the Blade of Puma laying ontop of a alter. Lara stepped up to the alter and carefully reached up and grabbed the blade. Waiting to see if she set off any more traps, noticing that nothing seemed to happened, she began to head back out of the tomb then all of a sudden...  
  
SPICE GIRL SONGS BEGAN TO PLAY!!!  
  
"Dear bloody God no!" Lara screamed while covering her ears. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"  
  
Lara started to shoot at everything, hoping it would make the evil music stop.  
  
"I can,t take it anymore!" She screamed while running out of the tomb. "This is torture! Its sick and wrong!"  
  
Lara screamed madly and ran outside as the tomb crashed to the ground, yet still the music played and played.  
  
"Why won, t it stop?! The insanity!!" Lara just couldn't take it anymore, she jumped off the top of the mountain while laughing insanely. "It can,t hurt me when I slam into the ground! Nothing can hurt Lara Cr---{{SPLAT!}}.....owww......Oh..hiya Pierre."  
  
"Uhh...Hello Lara..I see you fell down too..So..whats new?..." Pierre asked.  
  
"Umm nothing much..I have a rock jammed up my bum and I found the Blade of Puma, but other then that nothing much.." She said to him while trying to stand up.  
  
Lara sluggishly got up and help Pierre into her car, she started driving back to the hotel when then Pierre asked Lara if she could put on the music.  
  
"Ohhh I love this song!" Lara said happily then turned the music up higher.  
  
"Oh..Lara..please don, t sing..I have a headache." Pierre said in pain.  
  
"Oh silly,don,t worry. I have a lovely voice" Lara said while smirking.  
  
"Someone shoot me...{{BAM!}} Ow! Lara is was a figure of speech!" Pierre yelled while holding onto his bleeding crotch.  
  
Lara just smiled and turned the music up even higher then started to sing (very,very,very badly)  
  
"Oops I raided again...I went in a tomb...got losted in a maze...Oh baby...Oops you think i got killed.... But a ran out and liiiiiiiived ... Im not that helpless!" Lara just kept singing on and on happily but Pierre was looking a little bit sick...  
  
"Oh God! No more please!! I can,t live any longer!" Pierre screamed and hopped out of the car, hitting small rocks as he rolled down the road.  
  
Lara shrugged and kept singing and driving along back to the city.  
  
"Before I go home..I better go buy another Butler...The old one should be a chunk of ice by now...Yummmmm....Frozen Butler..." Lara then parked her car buy a butlar store and bought a used butlar. Lara folded the butler up and put it in the trunk of the car and drove back to the hotel.  
  
Lara parked, got the butler and went up to her hotel room. She tossed the butler on the floor, then looked in her back pack for some clothes. "I need to take a shower..being out in the wild for so long makes ya smell a little gamey" Lara grabbed some clothes then headed to the bathroom, she undressed and stepped into the shower and turned on the water"   
  
"Ahhh!!God!too cold, too cold!" she screamed  
  
She turned the water up a little hotter.  
  
"AHH DEAR GOD I'M MELTING!!!!!"She yelled while hoping out of the shower and trying to get her clothes on.  
  
As she walked back into her room she noticed something was wrong.  
  
"Where is the butler?" She wondered to herself.  
  
Just then she heard some moaning behind her.  
  
"Oh god...please,oh please don, t let it be..." She whispered to herself then turned around.  
  
Lara screamed in fear as she saw the moaning butler walking slowly towards her.  
  
"Stay back!" She screamed while looking for her guns. "Don, t come any closer you old pervert!"  
  
The butler came up very close to her then... Pulled out Donkey Kong's huge hammer and hit Lara on the head  
  
Lara screamed as she flew off into the distence. After four hours of flying through the air,Lara had finely landed at her house and went inside.Lara ran upstairs and hopped into her warm comfy bed.  
  
"I'm so glad that's over." She said while pulling the Blade of Puma out from her backpack.  
  
"I'm not going to raid any tombs for a loooooong time.." She said now curling up under the covers.  
  
  
The End!!! 


End file.
